grindr.

So after my breakup I thought I needed to find my local gays, and possibly start getting some more gay friends. So far it's been fun, a lot of hot guys on it. You guys have an account? A lot of the people are obviously there for sex, but not everyone. I like how reliable it is, it truly is gaydar at it's finest.

It sucks when douchebags don't reply back to you though.

thanks for nothing: the break up.

Well guys. I haven't posted in awhile, but all for good reasons. Who knows if anyone is reading this blog in it's entirety anyways? Well thats besides the point, and for the people who are reading it, I'll fill you in what happened in the past 10 days...

 So I did show up to Robbs house unannounced on the 29th and boy, was he pissed. I told him I was in the neighbourhood and that he should let me in, I wouldn't be there for long. He kept saying he was really busy, and it was a bad time for me to show up. I kept my cool, just kind of looked at him and smiled a little and said, "Right. Bad time. Gotcha" and walked away. It took me a 15 dollar cab to get there, and I was only there for like 5 minutes. Totally worth it though. He called me the next day and apologized, saying that his grandma was in the hospital, and that he didn't want to be with anyone. I consoled him and said thats fine. In reality though, thats bullshit because she isn't in the hospital I would come to know...

 The complete distance between us got longer every time I caught him in a lie, I didn't know what he was doing, but all I know is that he didn't want to break up with me. Why? I don't know. The final straw came when I went to the gay club with my friend again. This club is so fun. Well Robb blew me off that night because he said he was going to visit his grandma, so I went clubbing instead. It was such a blast, we got hit on a lot, but mostly by creepy bears whispering in our ears that they had there dicks pierced. EW. Now this is where it all blows up. As the song "Get Outta My Way" by Kylie Minogue pops on (my anthem) My friend pokes me and points to the other side of the room. Guess who it is? YEP. Robb. With who? His ex. The little fucker. At that moment in time, I felt sick to my stomach, I knew deep down something was happening, but to finally see it is a whole new punch in the gut.

 I asked my friend if I should do something. I felt embarrassed to be there and wanted to leave, but he told me that I had to make him look like a fool. I had to sit and think about if I should just leave it, and confront him later, but ultimately opted for humiliation. So while my jam was playing, I waltzed up behind them (keep in mind I was smashed) and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around. The smile on his face dropped and he froze. I basically stood there smiling at them both, and DEATH STARED the ex, I asked them if they were having a great time, they looked at each other, and I just rolled my eyes and walked away. Robb and his ex followed me to the bathroom, and Robb tried to explain. "No need!" I said, then his stupid fucking ex chimes in and I snapped. I told him to get the fuck out my space before I destroyed his pretty little face. He kept trying to reason, and I legit got up in his face and said, "Seriously. I don't care what you have to say, get the fuck out of my space or I'll beat your face in" Such violence. I don't know where it came from within me. The ex left, and Robb stood there trying to speak. I ended the conversation with this..

"Listen Robb, I always knew you and I would never last long, sad I know, but it's the truth. So really you standing here telling me a lie, on top of a million other lies, will not  make everything fine and dandy, like you thought it has over the past month. Gotta say, you have to be the biggest regret of my life."

And like that we were over. He emailed me yesterday with an apology, saying he feels like shit, and that the only reason he was hanging with his ex, and fucking him was because he was afraid that he loved me too much and it scared him that he never cared that much for another person before. K. Then WHY would you hurt the person you love most? Lmao. Wow. He must be retarded. Thank GOD this is all over. I was sad, but now its a relief. He looks like an idiot, and my job is done.

So... Hey boys. I'm single, and looking for a sensational fuck. No strings attached. You in?

 

cause you're stutterin aka the big fight.

 We had our first fight the other night, and it was pretty big. We had made plans to go to Toronto to view this art exhibit, but last minute he cancelled on me with a lame excuse, "I just have so much homework, last minute project I have to do." I know when he is lying and I was really looking forward to going out. I sat around for awhile doing homework, and thought if I should bother calling him because I KNEW he wasn't telling me the truth.

 I realized a little bit later I had a reason to call him, I needed to tell him to bring my sweater to school the next day, so I dialled and he picked up. All I heard in the background was people talking and I knew right then and there that he wasn't at home. He doesn't have caller i.d so this worked to my advantage. He said Hi, and I was just like, "Homework my ass." Then I hung up. He texted me right after saying, "WTF?"

I didn't respond back.

 He came to my house at like 12:00 am and I drove me back to his place. I pretty much told him I knew he lied to me what he did tonight, and I wanted to know what he did that was so secretive that he had to lie. He didn't really give out an answer, it was almost like he was trying to prep me for something bad. I just told him to be honest, and if he wasn't then we wouldn't be able to date. Thats when he told me he went out to dinner with his ex. Why? Because he said that he broke up with his boyfriend and needed someone to talk to. Lamest thing in my book. I was pretty upset, and started getting really rude and told him that he was a fucking prick for keeping something like that hidden. Seriously! That is so shady, I also told him that I had absolute no trust for him now. I don't. He managed to lose it all in a couple of hours.  All he kept saying was sorry, and that this only happened once.

I wouldn't be as upset if he hadn't lied to me, in fact I would say go for it, but he did and because he just sat there stuttering his way through a series of lies it made it all worse. Now I'm just worried that he won't be honest with me. We are "fine" now, but I feel a little awkward with him.

happiness.

Things have been going great! I am happy I have a boyfriend? So strange to say that. But I have one! Yes. These past 3 months have been crazy with him, but worth it now. School has like physically assaulted me with homework, it's shit. I have a project I need to start tomorrow due Wednesday. Ugh.

But Christmas is coming soon! & I am so happy because that means x-mas break! Yus! I have been talking to my boyfriend and we are thinking of going up to his cottage for a couple days this week and in December. I am excited.

:D

give it all up, not to be sleeping alone.

Been awhile since I have last posted, but some stuff has happened. First off I think were dating now. Second off, I don't know because I have to say "think." Anyways we have hung out for this entire past week and this week. We've gotten to know each other a lot, and he says that he wants to keep it this way. We haven't talked about what we are, but we seem official, in fact I am going to ask him after this. He called me his boyfriend but does that mean anything?

 This man is a mystery, and for being my first real love it's been hard. Too hard. It's killing me.


UPDATE: HE SAID SO. HE SAID WE WERE!!!!! AH! I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!! LMFAO.

sex. round 2.

It's official. I really like this guy. Really like as in love. Too soon? Not quite, It has been like 2 months now kind of of getting in the groove with this guy. We hung out, EVERYDAY this week. In my last post, I said he was making me dinner, and he did. It was romantic. On Thursday he drove me to school, and we ate lunch, afterwards we went to his house and made out some more. Friday we went out for dinner, that too was romantic, and then we made out. It was super hard because I KNOWWWW he wanted to fuck me so badly, but we made out and I think he thought I was gonna give it up, when I told him goodnight. Ha Ha. Sorry daddy but I'm not that easy.

 It's like the past few weeks never happened, he is so sweet now and caring. He may have said he didn't want to be in a relationship, but I think he is changing his views on that. Last night was amazing though. He brought me back to his place and thats when we had sex. I was really horny, so I felt like being slutty. He did moves on me that I have never really seen before and man, they were hot. I got to say, the sex is super hot. He was really going in hard. We were super loud. But let me make it clear, it was very romantic*

 Judging from the sex, I think something is there...

hummingbird heartbeat.

 That guy I was talking to? FUCKING WEIRD. He kept texting me, and I was getting so friggin annoyed. He was talking like this:

"Hey cutie :) did you have a good sleep *hugz* I really want to cuddle with you :D I got a new video game we should play it sometime, Anyways got to go bye *kisses*"

........................UH. I hateee when people put things in *stars* to emphasize something. Biggest peeve ever, or use lots of smiley faces. Anyways, I stopped texting him cause I thought he might get the hint. WRONG. He texted me at 9:30am till 12am. The whole day at school he was like having a conversation to thin air! + He kept sending me pics of his ass, and saying creepy stuff. OVER IT.

The only highlight of this week was finishing homework, and finally talking to Mr. Gorgeous. He came and talked to me, checked if I was okay, I said yeah and then he wanted to know if I would hang with him that night. I kind of looked at him oddly and said "I don't knoww." I still felt hurt, and I felt like I was being treated like a yo-yo, but I obliged. We went straight to his house after school, and it was almost like nothing had happened a week before. It felt right. We just talked, and talked. Had a few laughs, then made out. He told me later as we were driving home that he want's to hangout tomorrow as well, I said for sure, so that's whats happening today! Or in an hour. I excited, I get butterflies when I hang with him because I definitely like him! 

 I think he's making dinner too? Score.

future boy.

So I was in a big play 3 months ago. A big production. Let's just say the school I went to was like the school from the movie, Fame. I am a theatre kid. Love to sing, act, dance. When all the other boys were doing rugby in high school, I was trying to organize drama shows, and participating in shitty directed student plays. Pretty much the only guy who had friends that actually wasn't afraid to sing in front of my peers. Very judgemental peers. + I have been told I can definitely carry a tune. ANYWAYS! This play I was in recently had a lot of great actors and singers. I met a lot of great friends, especially 2 crazy people like me. One was a guy, so out, the other a girl, straight. Then there was me. No sexuality thrown out there.    He was very flirtatious, super nice, very handsome. He would always tell us his past experiences with his boyfriends. All around great guy.

 These 2 people I never came out to. Didn't want it to be a scandal in my program because 3 girls liked me. Ya. Me! But there was a moment when I slept over at his house (In his super pink room) and I thought we were about to kiss. I think it was because we were high, but I've always kind of liked him, even though he isn't my type. We just laugh a lot and I like his company. Anyways my friend was talking to us and he like looked at my oddly and stared into my eyes for a good 30 seconds and I didn't know what to do. In the end we remained friends.

Now that school is done though we haven't seen each other all summer. He moved, and he is always trying to hang out with me, but we can never get our plans to work. So I was at a party one day and all he kept texting me was that he wanted to talk to me, so the whole party pretty much I talked to him on msn. It was a very flirty conversation. He is like that though. Tonight out of no where texted me:

"11:11 n i wish for u ;)"

.......I didn't text back. I don't know what to say. He texted me later asking me if I was up, but I got back late to him and he never texted back. We shall see how this works out...