Monday, November 29, 2010

until you love you.

So I started writing a journal today, I have had it sitting on my desk for awhile but didn't know if I wanted to make a journal out of it. I caved, writing down deep personal thoughts is.... strange. I have had tons of journals in the past, but this one feels like my official first journal. My past journals are so, censored. I never talked about being gay, sex, drugs, anything like that. I just wrote down memories, when I could of got stuff of my mind and not kept it bottled up. It's just weird thinking about the fact that I couldn't even admit to being gay in my own journal, something that nobody was ever going to read but me. I couldn't even be honest with myself.

 It's sad. I was that hollow inside. I used my journals to talk about stuff I did, but nothing that was bothering me deep down. That's different now because I use this blog so hopefully people read it and find joy in reading my adventures and troubles, or relate to me. Also this new journal started off the bat, "I'm gay, I think I'm dying, and I wanna watch porn."

No more being ashamed of myself. I can't love somebody else, like Robb if I can't love myself. But he has made me feel good about being who I am. Be proud!

Friday, November 26, 2010

out of the blue.

So today I met my boyfriends ex boyfriend. It just so happens that he goes to the same school as me, and works at my favourite store, H+M. This week has been really awkward when it comes to people for me. First off, his ex, walks up to me while he's working and asks my name. I told him, and he basically introduced himself to me. I was thinking to myself, why are you telling me who you are? Just thought it was weird, but basically he talked to me about living here, how school is, stuff like that, as if he knew me.

 It was all very strange, I didn't know what he was getting at. He was very charming, but I'm just confused how he knows me... and yet I had no clue who he was. Does this mean that, Robb (aka Mr.Gorgeous real name) still talk to his ex, and if it's about anything, why me? I know he dated guys in the past, but from what this guy told me, it seemed like they dated for a long time.

I'm a little paranoid right now.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

so incredibly awkward.

So last night, Mr. Gorgeous (I hate that name now) and I went for a drive. On that drive we discovered we wanted to just park somewhere and talk. So we did. We parked in this parking lot behind this abandoned old hockey arena. We talked about boys, what's up in our lives, all that wonderful stuff. Then of course, because it seems like we can't never do this, we started making out. Well one thing led to another and I started giving him a blowjob. Penis's are weird. Don't you find them strange? I do. So I was doing that when we heard a tap at the window. YA I KNOW.

It was a police officer... there I was mouth on dick looking up at him. I quickly shot up and started howling. I thought it was so funny, and the police officer was super embarrassed, he just told us not too stick around here for long then ran back to his car. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN. HAHAHA. I feel embarrassed,  but like I'll probably never see that officer again.

Oh my god. My life right now I'm telling ya...

Monday, November 22, 2010

happiness.

Things have been going great! I am happy I have a boyfriend? So strange to say that. But I have one! Yes. These past 3 months have been crazy with him, but worth it now. School has like physically assaulted me with homework, it's shit. I have a project I need to start tomorrow due Wednesday. Ugh.

But Christmas is coming soon! & I am so happy because that means x-mas break! Yus! I have been talking to my boyfriend and we are thinking of going up to his cottage for a couple days this week and in December. I am excited.

:D

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

give it all up, not to be sleeping alone.

Been awhile since I have last posted, but some stuff has happened. First off I think were dating now. Second off, I don't know because I have to say "think." Anyways we have hung out for this entire past week and this week. We've gotten to know each other a lot, and he says that he wants to keep it this way. We haven't talked about what we are, but we seem official, in fact I am going to ask him after this. He called me his boyfriend but does that mean anything?

 This man is a mystery, and for being my first real love it's been hard. Too hard. It's killing me.


UPDATE: HE SAID SO. HE SAID WE WERE!!!!! AH! I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!! LMFAO.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

sex. round 2.

It's official. I really like this guy. Really like as in love. Too soon? Not quite, It has been like 2 months now kind of of getting in the groove with this guy. We hung out, EVERYDAY this week. In my last post, I said he was making me dinner, and he did. It was romantic. On Thursday he drove me to school, and we ate lunch, afterwards we went to his house and made out some more. Friday we went out for dinner, that too was romantic, and then we made out. It was super hard because I KNOWWWW he wanted to fuck me so badly, but we made out and I think he thought I was gonna give it up, when I told him goodnight. Ha Ha. Sorry daddy but I'm not that easy.

 It's like the past few weeks never happened, he is so sweet now and caring. He may have said he didn't want to be in a relationship, but I think he is changing his views on that. Last night was amazing though. He brought me back to his place and thats when we had sex. I was really horny, so I felt like being slutty. He did moves on me that I have never really seen before and man, they were hot. I got to say, the sex is super hot. He was really going in hard. We were super loud. But let me make it clear, it was very romantic*

 Judging from the sex, I think something is there...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

hummingbird heartbeat.

 That guy I was talking to? FUCKING WEIRD. He kept texting me, and I was getting so friggin annoyed. He was talking like this:

"Hey cutie :) did you have a good sleep *hugz* I really want to cuddle with you :D I got a new video game we should play it sometime, Anyways got to go bye *kisses*"

........................UH. I hateee when people put things in *stars* to emphasize something. Biggest peeve ever, or use lots of smiley faces. Anyways, I stopped texting him cause I thought he might get the hint. WRONG. He texted me at 9:30am till 12am. The whole day at school he was like having a conversation to thin air! + He kept sending me pics of his ass, and saying creepy stuff. OVER IT.

The only highlight of this week was finishing homework, and finally talking to Mr. Gorgeous. He came and talked to me, checked if I was okay, I said yeah and then he wanted to know if I would hang with him that night. I kind of looked at him oddly and said "I don't knoww." I still felt hurt, and I felt like I was being treated like a yo-yo, but I obliged. We went straight to his house after school, and it was almost like nothing had happened a week before. It felt right. We just talked, and talked. Had a few laughs, then made out. He told me later as we were driving home that he want's to hangout tomorrow as well, I said for sure, so that's whats happening today! Or in an hour. I excited, I get butterflies when I hang with him because I definitely like him! 

 I think he's making dinner too? Score.