So I started writing a journal today, I have had it sitting on my desk for awhile but didn't know if I wanted to make a journal out of it. I caved, writing down deep personal thoughts is.... strange. I have had tons of journals in the past, but this one feels like my official first journal. My past journals are so, censored. I never talked about being gay, sex, drugs, anything like that. I just wrote down memories, when I could of got stuff of my mind and not kept it bottled up. It's just weird thinking about the fact that I couldn't even admit to being gay in my own journal, something that nobody was ever going to read but me. I couldn't even be honest with myself.
It's sad. I was that hollow inside. I used my journals to talk about stuff I did, but nothing that was bothering me deep down. That's different now because I use this blog so hopefully people read it and find joy in reading my adventures and troubles, or relate to me. Also this new journal started off the bat, "I'm gay, I think I'm dying, and I wanna watch porn."
No more being ashamed of myself. I can't love somebody else, like Robb if I can't love myself. But he has made me feel good about being who I am. Be proud!
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